Describing me
feeling fabulous! I thought about how hard it would be to describe to someone who does not understand or even accept my way of life. This is not a fetish or weird and certainly not 'creepy'. The truth is it is just me expressing the female within me, when I am like this I feel whole, I am the complete person, I am me........
I can understand for someone outside the trans umbrella this is a difficult concept to understand, if you were born in the gender you want to be in your life the path is relatively clear. However if you were born into a gender that is not authentic to your true self then life is very different. So how could I explain this to someone that sees life very differently to me?
I think this is what I may say:
Consider for a moment if things were very different for you, so talking from my personal experience, consider then if you will a time when you never fitted in no matter how hard you tried. Consider how you would have felt at school never ever fitting in, constantly being the butt of 'jokes' and the occasional physical bullying. Consider later in your life how you would feel if despite being at home with two lovely daughters and a partner, you always felt lonely. Consider attending a function be it family or for work where you never ever felt happy and content. Consider these things not as isolated incidents but as a constant, for years........ almost 50 years or possibly more in my case. With that in your mind, how would you feel?
Now consider finding yourself and coming to terms with the person within you, letting those inner feelings that have been suppressed for so long to become visible. Consider the happiness when you are finally able to be the person you are within, after so long, 50 years of heartache and pain, at last the feelings of happiness and contentment that have been missing from my life.
When you have considered all these things you might just understand a tiny bit about how I feel....... Being me, the true authentic me all the time is a way off yet, it may never ever be possible. But, being able to express outside the person I am within even for a short while is just fabulous and has been life changing.
So what ever you think about my trans / crossdressing.........Think first about my life, how I have struggled, how I have felt so lonely and how long I yearned to be happy and content. Then, at least grant me one thing: HAPPINESS!
After a life of struggle surely I deserve that?
Wise words 💜
ReplyDeleteI think - and I can only talk about my own feelings, so it may be different for others - there's a lot of 'being other' when you're part of a group where you are not yourself and do not feel safe to express who you are.
During outreach work or diversity courses, I've asked attendees to think of an activity or hobby they love. Now think that they're unable to do that for social reasons and judgement. Give it a moment to sink in and then ask, how might it feel if 50% of the office and friends talk openly about that hubby? Yet, you must remain silent and not show interest.
Thank you Lynn, I think all too often and I have to say I have been guilty of this as well, people are quick to make assumptions and draw conclusions about a person without knowing much, or in most cases, anything about the person or their way of life. They certainly have no idea what many of us have been through for years and years............
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