Coming to terms with the 'Female' brain
Since coming to terms with who I am, my feminine side has grown, or should that be my male side has diminished? I say that because my female side has always been there and much stronger than even I ever thought. I know this now, but this has been a relatively recent revelation to me. A couple of yeas ago I was talking to a lady friend of mine about wedding dresses and said that I have had a desire to wear one from a very young age. Her reply was "I was like that, every little girl dreams of wearing a beautiful wedding dress" Thats when the light bulb illuminated, that 'light bulb moment' was when I realised I was that little girl, but even I didn't know it at the time. All of a sudden many things fell into place, how people had viewed me in the past, relationships etc. For example, I had lots of girls that were friends, but very few girlfriends, many, I am sure without realising it, saw I was different, they detected the feminine side without realising it and so were happy to be friends, but no more.
The discovery that I have had a very strong female side for almost all my life has not changed anything much, because I still think the same, the difference is I now know why I think the way I do. Today a very good lady friend of mine is celebrating her birthday, for various reasons I can't be with her or send a card, but we did have a video call this morning and I was able to show her the card I had bought for her and read the words I had written inside. After thanking me for the card and the words she said "How could you have ever thought you were not female?" and went on to say "a man would never write words like that". This is not something I do consciously, it is my natural way of thinking. I have also been told by more than one person that my hand writing style is very feminine, again not something I do consciously, it's just the way I write.
The strong feminine element to my thought patterns obviously affects me in different ways, the most significant is that I am not like most crossdressers I have met. I clearly think with a female brain and according to a female friend I am very feminine in my dress sense and the way I act. Many crossdressers do not think like me, that is not a criticism, they just think differently usually with a male brain. As Helen Boyd in her book 'My Husband Betty', says "most crossdressers dress in a way, as males, they like women to dress". You can make your own minds up on the clothes I choose to wear, there are plenty of examples on this blog, but one thing is for sure I avoid the more extreme examples, such as very short skirts with very high heels or the whole sissy / french maid thing, which I don't get at all.
Having a 'female' brain has overall been a major benefit in my life, I never was the 'macho' man, I never liked the sexist comments, I have a very loving, nurturing and caring side which has gone a long way to make me the person I am now. If you have read this blog from the beginning you will know life has not always been easy for me, but I am now proud of who I am and very happy to be the person I have become. Without a doubt the female element to my brain has helped me get to where I am now and who knows where it might take me in the future
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Brains, gender, hiding, and the freedom to be oneself - there's a research study ready to go 😉
ReplyDeleteI think people are beautifully complex and diverse. Most are kind, some are awesome, and some might need some time on the thinking step ("think about what you did and why the other person is upset" 🙂).
Looking at models - like the Genderbread Person - I think the truth of it is we are all somewhere along spectrums of gender, sexuality, confidence, etc. That's before we get into the detail around someone being okay with being open with friends and loved ones.
Plus, people change - and for various reasons - so who knows what the future might be.
Thank you for your comment Lynn. You are exactly right we are all on the spectrum of sexuality and gender, I feel I know where I am, at the present time, but many do not and I am not just talking about people that identify as Trans, as you say we all change over time so who knows what the future might bring.......
DeleteHere you touch upon the issue of expression versus identity and how they overlap (or do not). Again like Lynn says we are all different and encompass varying shades of sexuality and gender which we know very well are not governed by genitalia.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment JoannaS. You and Lyn are right of course we are all different, I am talking in my post about how I feel and where I am, this is a personal thing, but something that I know many can identify with.
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