Self Respect

 You would think this is something very simple and something everyone has....... But during my life, having respect for my true self has been difficult if not impossible. I have spent most of my life trying to be something I wasn't instead of doing my best to be something I really am. Anyone, like me who was born to this crossdressing life will have had a very difficult time growing up. These days it is easier as the society of today is much more forgiving than the one I grew up in despite some of the current moves to restrict trans people.

My life has constantly evolved during the time I have been on earth, it still is, but for many years it evolved in the wrong direction as I tried, and failed miserably, to be the person society deemed I should be. There was no hand book, no instruction manual, no support and no help, there was just negativity. What ever I did, seemed to be wrong, I was constantly being told how to live my life, how to conform. I was seen by some to be weak and feeble because I was not the macho manly man society said that I should be. I didn't fit in I never felt comfortable being something I never was. In such circumstances it is very difficult to have any self respect. 

Although I am not manly man, I am strong, very much stronger than many would give me credit for, not strong in a physical sense but strong in mind and willpower, the system was not going to beat me, I battled with it trying to find a path to being who I really was without loosing the ones I love. I am still very much on this journey, but I am now at a stage where I am very happy and have two wonderful people to support me in a way I never thought was possible. They have led me out of the fog into the clear air where I can see the path I need to follow. Unfortunately even today, in the later stages of my life there are still people who want to tell he how to run my life, not because it would be better for me, but because it is what suites them. But they will not win, I now know my path and that is the direction I am headed in........

In order to have self respect you firstly have to understand what respect is and secondly you have to have respect for other people, in that regard you don't have to agree with them but you have to respect they have a right to their opinions. Even those that seek to alter the direction of my life, have my respect, unfortunately they clearly do not show the same respect for me. 

So what does self respect mean to me, it means loving myself and looking after myself, staying true to my values and not compromising to suit others. Before I could love myself I had to come to terms with who I was, and probably more importantly discover what I really wanted out of life. Finding that out was not easy and I have drifted down several blind alley's but I now know the direction I need to follow, that may not lead me to the final destination, but I'm going the right way. I now love myself, by that I mean I love the person I am and what I stand for, I am no longer a byproduct of some hormonal imbalance or the misfit that could never fit in and be happy, I am the person I should always have been, not fully female, but almost, and very proud of who I am and what I have achieved...........

So find your self respect, love who you really are and be true to yourself, it's the path to true happiness.................