Dressing your age
Dealing with inappropriate clothing first, to my mind this would be wearing clothes that are not right for the situation you are in, clothes that clearly do not suit you or exposing more of your body than is decent. The problem with many crossdressers, as Helen Boyd pointed out in her book (My Husband Betty) is that many dress in a way that they, as men, would like women to dress.
If I think back to my youth, a very long time ago, when people (men and women) got to a certain age and their style of clothing remained the same from then on. Part of this was the cost of clothing at the time was relatively high, but also they came from the make do and mend generation and so were reluctant to dispose of good usable clothing. The result of that meant to younger generations is they looked 'old'. At the time an older woman would often wear a 'twin set an pearls' (matching jumper and cardigan with pearl neckless), in fact it was almost the expected attire for a woman of a certain age, but that was fashion from their younger days, by the time I was around in my teens this type of clothing looked 'old' and therefore the preserve of the older generation. But the world is very different now and that is no longer the case.
So does this 'age appropriate' thing exist any more? well no I don't believe it does, looking a a magazine the other day there were photos of eight women between the ages of 40 and 69, all were very stylish and all looked great, what is more important here is that the clothing these women were wearing could easily be worn by someone much younger. If that is the case what does that mean for the crossdresser trying to dress in clothing not out of place for her age, yet not old and dowdy looking? The answer I believe is style, look for something of a more classical (not old) that really suits you, it has to fit well and be appropriate for the situation you are in. Being stylish does not have to be expensive either, with a bit of ingenuity and thought even a plain t-shirt can look stylish, try adding a neckless or a contrasting coloured scarf, don't over do it, subtlety is the key here.
So it's not so much about dressing your age, its more about finding your style and dressing appropriately.
I do agree that 'subtlety is the key' and I think we all need to pay at least some attention to how we are viewed by others. If you can carry off a certain look, then great - but be careful if you don't. Helen Boyd's sentiments about crossdressers dressing as they'd want women to dress is a good case in point, because from what I can see of a lot of crossdressers they tend to dress inappropriately. Not being a crossdresser myself (unless I'm in jeans and tshirt, in which case I suppose I'm a crossdresser in reverse!) I find I show a lack of knowledge most of the time, but one thing I did think of that you didn't mention in your blog post was one of 'passing'. I would have thought that one thing a crossdresser wants more than anything is the ability to 'pass' as a woman without drawing attention to oneself, especially when out and about. Surely then, your excellent thoughts on 'dressing your age' and dressing appropriately would be extra important to any crossdresser if they are going to pass as a woman and therefore, in doing so, gain acceptance.
ReplyDeleteI would imagine that a truly successful day out to, say, shopping, cafes, restaurants, etc would be one where nobody bothers noticing that you are not actually a woman and what better way to ensure any 'outing' goes without a hitch is to pay particular attention to the subtle details of feminine fashion. In short, dress like real women dress and you will, in turn, be a real woman too. Better still, society at large will treat you as one.
I remember the first crossdresser I ever saw. Stood at a bus queue in fishnet stockings, red stilettos, leather micro mini skirt, uber-tight top with ridiculously outrageously oversized fake boobs, dah-di-dah. He/she looked like a cheap comic strip tart. Fred Flintstone in drag. Let's just think about the psyche of this person for a minute. Either he was hell-bent on ridicule, humiliation and quite possibly a severe beating (it was in Pennine West Yorkshire, not exactly a haven of tolerance!), or he had just plain got it all wrong. The truth is, he stood out a mile - in stark contrast to the understated dress of the women nearby. Each to their own, of course, but surely this highlights the importance of the message behind this excellent article...
Thank you very much for your considered comment Emma. You are right of course in order to look the part you have to have an ability to 'pass'. The problem here is that everyone has a different opinion on what 'passing' should look like. This in turn requires the person involved to be tuned into what is appropriate for the situation, what would 'pass' on a night out probably would not be suitable for shopping in a local supermarket.
DeleteYou are absolutely right, when I have been out all day I have never had a problem, I know people have 'made' me but it has never been a problem, and often I have received favourable comments. But as you also quite rightly point out this does mean you have to dress the way a woman dresses and not as Helen Boyd points out as a male would like women to dress. This again comes back to understanding what is appropriate for the given situation.
Unfortunately all too often crossdressers do get it wrong, some of course like it that way, they want to shock, but I think the majority just want to be out in the world without any problems.............
Oh, this feels such a minefield. The tricky part of picking clothes that are very much 'you', that suit you, and are neither too young or too old.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I dress the way I do - a a bloke or a woman - I do as what I wear makes me feel okay about myself, the bloke rules are a lot less complex. That's certainly less variety and fashion moves very slowly. It also seems more forgiving, in that feminine clothing is more fitted, may show more (particularly summer clothing), and styles don't suit everyone.
Despite the difficulty, we keep on trying 🙂
Thank you Lynn, i think you do have to wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself, but it can be a bit of a minefield I agree..........
DeleteI’ve never really thought to much about dressing my age but after reading this blog it has got me thinking! One thing that sprang to mind was how old am I? In male mode I’m 60 but Stephanie is definitely younger but by how much I couldn’t say. So then I got thinking about how I dress and the styles I go for and certainly looking back over the past four years I like to think I’ve chosen stylish, clothing that suits me and that I like. However I have purchased items that I know are generally worn by much younger ladies than myself but the thing is many of us can’t resist a mini skirt or dress as they are such a feminine item.
ReplyDeleteEarlier this year I ventured out in public for the first time with a trip to our local M&S and having survived that unscathed I have been out a few times more since, now that I’m getting out and about a bit I’m having to re think my wardrobe some what, this is because when I’m out I want to blend in, I’m not to hung up on passing but I figure that if I dress appropriately for the occasion then I will blend in better and then less likely to stand out, so now when I’m shopping for clothes blending in is my primary objective.
So for me it’s not about dressing my age it’s about blending in.
Of course I still love wearing my mini’s every now and again but only when I’m at home.
I absolutely agree with you Stephanie, your actual age is not the important point it's 'looking' right that matters so being stylish and sensible about skirt length is exactly the right thing to do.............
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