What Does It Feel Like?
I was asked a question the other day by a non trans male "What does it feel like when you dress and do you feel like a woman?"
So taking the second part first. This is a hard thing to get my head around. The phrase "A transgender woman is a woman" is, in my mind important and meaningful, but do I feel like a woman? Well the answer is I don't know, as I don't know what a woman feels, or anybody feels for that matter. What I do know is what I feel, how that compares with a genetic woman I don't know.
A lot of crossdressers will tell you 'it's not just about the clothes, it's much more than that', which of course is completely true, they often go on to say 'dressing is an expression of their femininity' which again is true. But the clothes play an enormous part, certainly in my life, I love women's clothes and always have. The differences between traditional male and female clothing is obvious, but in the modern world those differences have become blurred. When we used to go shopping on the high street on a Saturday (do you remember those days!) most women, certainly here in the UK were wearing jeans, as nice as they are they are not as feminine as a skirt or dress. Personally, although when the situation demands I would wear jeans or trousers, my preferred choice is a dress or skirt.
Now before we get to how I feel, lets have a little look at how crossdressers dress. As I say, I like a dress or skirt, fair enough, I wear tights (panty hose for our USA readers) because firstly I like them and secondly they are so practical. I try to dress for the occasion, so for an evening out in a Trans club, I might go for a sparkly dress, for a evening in a restaurant I would probably choose something more classy, like an LBD, shopping - perhaps a skirt and nice top. My choices are based on blending in to a certain extent, and also because the clothes I choose really are the clothes I like to wear. Other crossdressers have different views, and of course that is their right, I would never criticise their choice. Many dress in what I would describe as 'unsuitable' clothing. If you are staying at home, wear what ever suits you, but you are going to stand out like the preverbal sore thumb if you go to your local supermarket in a very short mini dress, showing your stocking tops and suspenders and wearing 6 inch heels - ok a bit of an exaggeration, but Helen Boyd put it very well in her book "My Husband Betty" - [many] Crossdressers don't dress like women, they dress how (as males) they would like women to dress - which I think sums up the situation very well. The point here is that they often dress in a provocative way which has sexual connotations and very often to non crossdressers this is the image that appears in their minds when thinking about a crossdresser. So my clothing choices and feelings would be very different to what many would think a crossdresser would wear and feel.
So finally we get to the answer to the question, "How do I feel?" well not quite, there is the transformation to complete, breast forms up top, hip pads lower down shape wear to control the dreaded 'jelly belly', dress, tights, makeup, wig, jewellery and heels. It's not easy being a girl, it's not easy being a crossdresser either! But when it's all in place and I look in the mirror I smile, I feel happy, content - I feel like me. The individual components, like a bra for example has a special feeling, so each stage builds one on top of the other. Even applying makeup is special, probably because it's a very feminine thing to do and it changes my appearance but most of all it brings the inner woman alive. Often once I reach this point, I just sit and enjoy the moment, the feeling of contentment and utter happiness, the feeling that this is me.........
It's not all about clothes, or expressing my femininity, it's really about me being the person I want to be, the person I need to be, the person I really am, thats what I feel..................