The Curse Of The Crossdresser

Do you think crossdressing is a curse? Thats a question I have answered in different ways during my life, but is it really a curse?

When I started crossdressing as a young boy I was just enjoying myself, I had no idea what I was doing or indeed why. Apart from the risk of getting caught, there was very little that I had concerns about. But as I grew older the crossdressing started to become a problem, no matter how hard I tried, it would just not go away. Then for various reasons I didn't crossdress for about twenty years, I had left that part of my life behind, crossdressing was just one of those things I did a youngster, just one of those thing you do as you grow up.

Then it came back, stronger than ever, at first I enjoyed the thrill of it all again, but this was not right, this is not something a man of my age should be doing. I tried to convince myself I was just being stupid and should grow up! This is when it became a curse, the urge would come, I would give in and then feel guilty and annoyed with myself for giving in to this curse. I purged a couple of times, determined to rid myself of this terrible urge. At this point it really was a curse, why had I been saddled with this dreadful habit? What had I done to deserve this? Life was particularly tough and stressful at the time, so on top of dealing with personal, work and family problems I had to put up with these urges. Urges that were so strong at times it was difficult to concentrate.

It seemed that the harder I tried to resist these inner urges, the stronger they became, I fought it again and again and they just grew stronger. Over the years that this continued, I would battle it, convince myself I had finally won the battle only to discover it wouldn't give up that easily. As you can imagine this was a hard time for me, I had no support, in fairness I wasn't looking for any, I thought I would win the battle against this terrible curse.Then I started to research just why men crossdress and it was just as if someone had turned the light on, all of a sudden it all started to make sense. That was the beginning of my acceptance, something that went on for several years. But eventually once I had accepted that crossdressing is part of who I am, I realised that far from being a curse, crossdressing was a valuable asset.

Comments

  1. I think self acceptance and overcoming our internalised transphobia is one of the hardest things about being who we are.

    To do so alone is incredibly difficult and I think there are many barriers a person needs to climb over to get to a good place. I think it's easier when you have support. Perhaps at home, via friends, or through a social group

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    1. You are of course 100% right Lynn, it took me a long time to come to terms with who I am, it would have been much easier if I had support at the time. So to anybody reading this who is just getting to grips with acceptance, seek some support, as Lynn says at home, from friends or through a social group.

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  2. Thanks for this Andrea, fascinating. I have read others who really think it is a curse and I am sure some who would see it being a blessing. However, for you it is ‘a valuable asset’ - would love you to unpack that.

    I completely agree that the vital element is acceptance. We never chose or asked for it but yet it was just there. It is fundamentally personal and very much a part of us and as such should not be harmful to others. We have no idea why and neither does anyone else but yet we know the powerful urge and the comfort just being us brings. We learn for ourselves that while it waxes and wanes, ultimately it never seems to leave and for all sorts of reasons may get more prominent with age.

    It eventually dawned that it is just a part of me, whether it liked or wanted it or not is irrelevant, it is just there. I could fight it, we surely all do as it is so odd but it ain’t going anywhere, neither are we so just accept and live with it. We are not mentally ill. It is not a disease. It need not do us or others any harm. It is part of life.

    Interesting that you used the ‘curse’ since for those with a uterus from menarche to menopause (why do ‘men’ preface both words?!) do experience a monthly 'curse'. For most. there is precious little they can do and have to live with it. So maybe we are indeed ‘cursed’, lol.
    Love Linda

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    1. Thank you Linda for your comments. I use the term 'valuable asset' to describe what accepting that I am a crossdresser means for me. When dressed, even for just an hour I feel an overwhelming sense of calm, happiness and wellbeing. A feeling I don't get in such intensity form any other aspect of my life. So what I once thought of as a curse, is indeed an asset that helps me through life............

      Life throws all sorts of difficulties in our path and for the greater part we just have to get on with it, I know many women suffer deeply, although I will never have to go through a period, perhaps my feminine side allows me to appreciate that this can be very difficult for many women and could be regarded as a curse. But, if you can have a positive outlook when anything difficult or uncomfortable comes along it will help you enormously. And no I don't know what menarche an menopause are prefixed with 'men' as it's the last thing men would want to go through!

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    2. I totally agree in the relaxing and calming feeling in the entire body when dressing . To me its simply the best tranquilizer. Im blessed with aGF who don't mind and even sometimes brings me smal gift like a pair of tights og a lipstick.

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  3. My valuable asset connected with my crosdressing is exactly the same, this incredible relaxing and calming effect I feel in my entire body when crossdressing

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