Crossdressers and Men

I was recently asked a very interesting question by a lady friend which has made me think about what us crossdressers do. This was the question: "Most crossdressers I know go out of their way to be as glamorous as they can - and succeed. Even though I am married, I dress to attract the opposite sex. Yet 9 out of 10 crossdressers say they are not interested in men. Odd! You'd think they would want to experience the full feminine experience, wouldn't you? But most seem to draw the line against experiencing men. Any thoughts or views?"

Firstly to answer this question I can only talk about myself, other crossdressers may have a different view on this subject. My first thought on this is that I am not attracted to men, and this would be the response from many, also I am not interested in any sort of relationship apart from pure friendship. I am aware that this does not answer the question, but, when a woman goes out for the evening looking fabulous she is not necessarily looking for anything more than a great night out. 

Part of this question goes back to the age old quandary 'Why do men crossdress?' There are of course very many and varied reasons, and almost all crossdressers are slightly different in this respect. I don't even know why I love to 'dress, to be honest I've given up trying to work it out! But I will say I dress in part to be the person I want to be, that person, in her present form is not interested in men, I say present form, because life is a journey and who knows where this will take me. Another reason I am very wary of male attention, is that the few men I have encountered when 'dressed have clearly only had one thing on their mind and that is not something I wish to partake in. They seem to think if they buy you a drink you owe them something in return, I don't need to elaborate further! Perhaps I have been unlucky, and it has to be said, when out for an evening at a TG club it is more likely that you will encounter a certain type of man. 

I have also witnessed how uncomfortable some crossdressers are in the company of men, again this may be partly due to the type of man that they encounter and that nice genuine men are unlikely to go into a bar full of crossdressers! It would therefore seem that we crossdressers are, as much as anything, protecting ourselves from a threat, real or imagined that we feel a man poses. There is also the problem of how some men perceive crossdressers, some think we are all do it for sexual reasons, which is probably why we do possibly attract the wrong type of person. 

The fact is, many crossdressers do not want to interact with men, after all they are men themselves! That in itself should not be such surprise to those outside the crossdressing community, several crossdressers have told me they dress the way they do, for themselves, not for the benefit of others, men included. 

My questioner said "Even though I am married I dress to attract the opposite sex" Now here really is a question for her, does she really mean she wants to attract the opposite sex or does she men she wants to be 'attractive to the opposite sex' there is a subtle difference here, one implies the person goes out with the intention of making contact with the opposite sex, the other suggests you want to be attractive to them but not necessarily want a personal encounter. 

So the answer to this question is really quite difficult, I was tempted to say 'that all depends' but of course that is not an answer. Dear reader you have to remember that many of us have spent many years just waiting for the chance to go out into the world and experience life as the person we want to be, the last thing we want is the complication of men! I have not as yet been lucky enough to have an evening in a local bar or pub where I would have the opportunity to interact with non TG people, male or female and be accepted as the person I am, when I do I will have to see what reaction I get from the 'normal' man (whatever that is!). In the meantime my answer has to be  I prefer to enjoy an evening with like minded friends.

If you have any thoughts or personal stories you would like to share, I would be very pleased to hear your comments!


  1. I dress only for me, to be honest. I like to feel pretty on occasion and I also don't know why :-)

    Plus, i'm happily married have zero interest in attracting anyone. Some men may find other men attractive, which is (obvs) fine - it's just not for me. :-)

    If it's a daytime look, I would like to be well turned out, and for an evening do - like a party - then I may be a bit more glam. But, like the meme that went around, I don't do those things to look good for others, they're just for me to help me feel good about myself.

    PS for anyone thinking I find myself attractive, that's not it either. It's a self confidence thing and for me at least, that works that way if I'm in bloke or lady mode.

    1. Hi Lynn, Thank you so much for your comment. This is the thing, many non-crossdressers just do not understand that we do this for ourselves in a non sexual way. We just want to be ourselves, for ourselves, not for anyone else.

    2. Definitely to be 'attractive to the opposite sex', just to be clear lol :-)

  2. Just to make my question a little clearer too, I ask this because I have a lot of TG/CD followers on my Flickr account and they very often take the trouble to tell me "I wish I had been born female", "I wish I were a girl", "you are so lucky being a woman" or words to that effect. That is where my question comes from. If they really do want to be female that don't they want all that comes with it? They never contact me to say "I wish I were 90% female". I guess each to their own. I am certainly not criticising and of course femininity is something you can align yourself with and dismiss the bits you don't like. Of course, I have been conditioned all my life to accept a relationship with a man is my destiny (and was indeed my destiny) so maybe it is that conditioning that gives rise to the question....

    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment Emm's, I understand you question completely, but I am slightly different in that I don't wish I had been born female and I don't want to be female full time, more of the time maybe! But I understand your thoughts, regarding someone who wants to be full time, if there are any full time 'girls' out there I would love to hear your opinion!

  3. I tend to agree with Emma that it is strange that so many TGurls are not interested in men. I enjoy the company of men and appreciate their compliments on my dress and appearance. A man's appearance is less important to me than his personality; if I meet a man who is interesting and amusing and who makes me feel attractive and feminine, I hope that he will want to get to know me and that we will spend more time together. I have had several long term relationships which have made me feel fulfilled as a woman. A boyfriend can be a girl's most glamorous accessory!

    1. Thanks for your comment Lucy, as my acceptance of who I really am has grown so has my appreciation of the feminine side of life and so has my appreciation of men. But of course, you have to find the right one first what can be challenging!


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