Passing

Lots of blogs, T-Girl web sites and forums talk about 'passing' but what does 'passing' really mean and more importantly what does it mean to a crossdresser? So lets have a look......

Passing to most of our community means a crossdresser that looks to all intents and purposes like a genetic woman. There has always been a lot of discussion on this subject and to many, it would appear, it is the Holy Grail, the one thing that must be achieved above all else. However it seems to me this is becoming much less important to many girls. As crossdressers, at least for me, when we go out into the world we want to be accepted as we are, and to do that we feel we have to 'pass', the problem is what is the standard for 'passing'? What do you base your standard on? The simple answer to that is there is no standard mostly because genetic women come in all shapes and sizes, tall, thin, not so thin, small feet, large feet, well endowed, flat chested the list is endless. 

A lot of crossdressers base their idea of 'passing' on a vision they have in their heads of a woman, this comes from within, so it is probably something that has developed over the years from women she has seen or met in the past. The trouble with that is we tend to be very selective, most women are not super models, they have their faults, they are not perfect, yet we choose to base our 'passing' on the perfect woman.Take a walk down your local high street and observe genetic women, very few wear dresses or skirts, most do not wear high heels, some walk very elegantly, many do not. On an evening out many women do wear dresses or skirts, they do wear high heels, but not all of them, a lot will be wearing jeans and flat shoes. But that is often not the way crossdressers want to dress, so where has the vision of a passable self come from? I think it's what we find attractive in women, it's a vision of how we like women to look, in a dream world, if not in reality. 

Even if we can achieve our dream look, will that make us 'passable'? Well that's another problem, because who is to say one girl is more 'passable' than another? It's all in the eye of the beholder and it also depends on the situation you find yourself in. Dressing appropriately for your intended outing is important, wearing a sparkly mini dress, strappy 6 inch heels and extravagant makeup is probably not the best ensemble for a trip to the local supermarket, but that doesn't mean you have to wear jeans and a baggy jumper. Next time you go to the supermarket, try and pick out the best looking outfit on a genetic women, is that something you would like to wear? I'm not saying you should copy that women, just use her and perhaps others in the shop for inspiration. Another thing to consider is when you develop your 'look' you probably have a vision of the type of person you want to be in your mind, if you choose an elegant lady in lovely clothes, would she be shopping in a low end supermarket or any supermarket for that matter? On the other hand if you want to pitch yourself as a more, shall we say, 'tarty' person would she be buying her groceries at Harvey Nic's? The point is you have to dress appropriately for the location and time of day you intend to be in, but just as importantly you need to be in the right location for the image you want to project. The other consideration is confidence, if you are furtively skulking around, when en-femme (or male mode for that matter) you will get noticed, so be confident and be yourself.

So we have selected our outfit, chosen a suitable location for our outing, practised out walk, we are all set, does that mean we are 'passable'?  The answer is no! Very few crossdressers will ever stand up to close scrutiny especially from a genetic woman. It seems most women have almost a sixth sense when it comes to spotting crossdressers, which means you are very unlikely to pass if you are scrutinised very closely. But having said that, most of the time people in general take very little notice of others around them, women included, so unless you really stand out, the chances are nobody will pay you much attention at all. That being the case do we need to worry about passing at all? Well the answer to that one is probably yes and no, yes because we need to blend in such a way so we are not too obvious, and no because not that many people are bothered what you are wearing even if they do realise you are a crossdresser. 

What conclusion can we draw from all of this? 'Passing' as such should not be the Holy Grail, yes we should try to blend in when necessary, we should dress for the occasion and we should be as confident as we possibly can. But above all we should just be who we are, conduct ourselves with dignity and show respect to others. As someone recently said to me, "I'm not trying to be a good woman, I'm trying to be a good crossdresser"! 

Comments

  1. I'm with you on the passing situation. It does feel - at least for me - unobtainable and then we're on to the whole "you don't look good enough" BS.

    On a work course someone said "we can only do our best in the circumstances we find ourselves". Perhaps that's true of being CD/T too. We make the best of who we are with what we have.

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    1. The trouble with getting hung up with 'passing' is we tend to set ourselves a a target that is not achievable as a result we are forever chasing that target instead of enjoying our time crossdressing. As you say we can only do our best, by accepting that we can have an achievable target, which will make us happier and as a result more confident. Anyone who is happy and confident will generally be accepted and that's got to be a whole lot better than forever trying to 'pass'.

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